


FUKURODANI HOUSE RULES

by volleyball_crow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 04:30:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3837172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volleyball_crow/pseuds/volleyball_crow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After visiting Nekoma, someone decided Fukurodani should have a whiteboard with rules too. </p><p>[No Fukurodani club rooms were harmed in the creation of this fic.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	FUKURODANI HOUSE RULES

## #1: We DO NOT STEAL traffic signs.*

 _It’s amazing that this is the number 1 rule. Like, what are we even doing._  
[stealing traffic signs, apparently.]

## #2: We do not steal shoes.

-come on, it was funny-  
_the smell, though, that was no joke_

## #3: We do not steal hair gel.

-unless it’d be funny-  
**NO STEALING HAIR GEL**

## Rule #4: Captain’s hair is a beautiful flower and must be treated as such, please bring all the hair care products you can get your hands on (EXCEPT HAIR GEL. HAIR GEL IS FORBIDDEN) to the locker room so he’s always guaranteed to have the proper nutrition

-that was beautiful-  
[truly a modern day pyramid]  
_**\** you guys are insane ~Noya_ **/**  
lol I have no idea how you kept Vice-Captain from knowing about that thing for weeks, but kudos to you  
_**it was amazing, guys!!**_  
**Bokuto-san, please control yourself**

## #5: If I have to make a rule for not stealing underwear I will not be pleased. You are all disgusting.**

-it was a joke! we just bought the same stuff!-  
**oh, so you go shopping for matching underwear now? how adorable.**  
lol  
_**Akaashi can we go shopping together???**_  
**no.**

## #6: NO OWLS.

_**awwww….** _  
**don’t even, Bokuto-san. don’t even.**

## #7: No cats either.

## #7.1. Kuroo from Nekoma is not allowed in our club room for any reason, at any time, and especially not if Bokuto-san is with him.

 _what if they have a hostage?_  
**o** _r_ **k** _n_ **o** w **t** _h_ e s **u** _p_ **e** r s **e** c _r_ **e** t p _a_ **s** _s_ **wo** _r_ d **?**  
-what if they need to take the ring to Mordor and must absolutely pass through our clubroom?-  
[I just want to watch the world burn]  
« Akaashi, your team is a strange and wondrous place. »  
**I know, Iwaizumi-san. I know.**

## #8: If Bokuto-san gets a girlfriend before me, I will cry. Bokuto-san is not allowed to get a girlfriend

 _I don’t think we have to worry about that, do we?_  
definitely not a worry  
_**what is that supposed to mean??**_

## #9: KUROO-SAN IS NOT ALLOWED TO KIDNAP OUR CAPTAIN. DON’T LET HIM DO IT. DON’T LET BOKUTO-SAN SNEAK AWAY WITH HIM EITHER.

 **= BOKUTO-CHAN YOUR FAMILY IS AGAINST OUR LOVE WHATEVER SHALL WE DO =**  
_**KUROO-KUN I DON’T CARE YOU ARE MY FOREVER BRO**_  
**= BRO <3 =**  
_**BRO <333**_  
how did this turn into Romeo and Juliet…

## Rule #10: Apparently we can’t take a portable stove and cook in the club room. It’s kind of unfair.

 **s** _o_ _u_ **n** f **a** _i_ r  
_incredibly unfair_  
**a** _s_ **m** a _l_ **l** f _r_ **i** _d_ **g** _e_ w **o** _ul_ **d** **b** e _n_ **i** _c_ e t _h_ **ou** _g_ h **?**  
**would you fit comfortably inside it?**  
**n** o _s_ m **a** _l_ l f **r** _i_ d _g_ **e**. g **o** t _i_ **t**.

## #11: We can’t sing musical numbers either.***

 **not with those voices, you can’t.**  
**A** _k_ a **a** s _h_ i- **s** _a_ n, t _h_ a **t** ’s **s** o _h_ **u** _r_ **t** f _u_ **l**.  
**not as much as your voice trying to sing falsetto, Onaga**  
_one day I aspire to the level of greatness that is Akaashi delivering the sickest burns I’ve ever seen_  
lol

## #12: please, no more drawings of “Sexy Volleyball-chan”, I’m traumatized for life

 **\**   I   t h o u g h t    i t    l o o k e d   p r e t t y    c o o l …. **/**  
**\  K A G E Y A M A    N O  /**

##  ~~#13: life is not worth living without the smell of natto in the morning~~

I will _hurt_ you.

## #14: We will take the rules in this board _seriously_.

-whaaaa… we’re good boys! no, really!-  
{ I don’t think you’d know good if it danced naked in front of you }  
_Tsukishima-kun, what a lewd imagination you have…_  
-to think Captain’s friend has such a dirty mind!-  
**I** _a_ **m** s **h** _o_ **c** k **e** _d_ **!** **T** _r_ **u** l **y** **s** _h_ o **c** _k_ **e** _d_ **!**  
[what a bad influence on our Captain, unacceptable]  
**= *gasp* Glasses-kun! How could you say that! =**  
{ the lot of you… you’re insufferable… }

## #15: The Nekoma guys are our forever bros! FOREVER BROS. THAT’S LIKE FAMILY. WE’RE FAMILY.

 **= BRO <3 =**  
_**BRO <33**_  
[can I be the estranged distant cousin?]  
_I’ll be the nephew nobody cares about_  
**_= I vote Yaku-san for mother =_**  
= Lev. It seems you’ve forgotten I know your handwriting very well by now =  
_**= please don’t hurt me =**_  
= c a n    I   d i v o r c e    a n   e n t i r e    f a m i l y ? =  
**= lol Kenma maybe next year =**

## #16: OWL PUNS ARE ~~MANDATORY~~ LAME

-spoilsport.-  
_you need to know when to stop, Konoha-kun._

## #17: Acting skills are not necessary, but a wide vocabulary in the “compliments and sweet talking” area is very much appreciated. We need variety.

 _ **I don’t get this rule**_  
[um….]

## #18: We highly disapprove of Nekoma’s obscene drawings on their volleyballs ~~IT WAS SO FUNNY~~ and we will absolutely not imitate them ~~I WANT ONE AKAASHI~~ _NO_

[otherwise Akaashi-san will make the Very Disappointed In You look]  
_which is about a hundred times worse than the Very Disappointed in the World look we’re all familiar with, even if they’re very similar_  
-still. I kind of want to draw a dickball too-  
_your anarchist soul will be the death of all of us, Konoha, mark my words_

## #19: We do not throw a tantrum when opponents use the skills we taught them against us.

_**We are sorry.** _

## #20: No more strong arm contests with Aoba Johsai.****

 **I** **w** _an_ **t** **t** o _b_ **e** _I_ **w** ai **z** _u_ m _i_ - _s_ **a** n **w** _h_ e **n** **I** _gr_ o **w** _u_ **p**.  
[Onaga, you fucking fanboy]

## #21: Bokuto-san is not allowed to adopt any more players from other teams

or owls (again)  
_or random little kids_  
[or little old ladies, no matter how much they like volleyball]  
_w_ **a** i _t_ **w** _h_ **a** t _?_ **?**

## #22: We do NOT try to nurse teammates back to health.

 **because next time you might really kill him**  
**I** _T_ **W** A _S_ A **N** **A** C _C_ I **D** E **N** _T_  
**so is your presence in general, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take precautions**  
_can I be Akaashi when I grow up?_

## #23: By the way, Onaga is not allowed to touch a pot or set a foot in a kitchen ever again

 **i** _t_ **w** a **s** **k** i _n_ **d** **o** f **e** _d_ i **b** l _e_ …  
_**it did look very yummy!**_  
_it was BRIGHT PURPLE_

## #24: We are not allowed to have a YouTube account for the team because we’re clearly not mature enough for that

_actually I think the problem was that it was too mature_  
**you are truly the soul of wit, Sarukui-san.**  
_thank you. does that mean I’m not on cleaning duty for the foreseeable future as punishment for that joke?_  
**not quite that witty yet.**

## #25: List of things that will catch on fire if you’re not careful: doritos, ping pong balls, hair spray, cotton candy, towels, Bokuto-san’s hair, anyone’s hair actually, curtains, it seems the clubroom itself is surprisingly flammable, how did that happen?, hair spray again, that one time there was a fish, by the way don’t throw water at it because it doesn’t help, OH MY GOD FLOUR EXPLODES IT SERIOUSLY FUCKING EXPLODES, I hear  you shouldn’t leave spray bottles in the sun, owl feathers, mostly anything with alcohol in it, oranges.

 **= oranges? =  
** oranges.  
» somewhere out there there’s a line between what’s sane and what is not and you guys are on another dimension entirely «

## #26: We can’t “borrow” other team’s volleyballs either.

-for a few glorious hours, we had the dickball, and all was right in the world-  
_**\** IF YOU CAN’T HAVE IT, CAN I HAVE IT? **/**_  
**\ TANAKA, NO /**

## #27: No more Gangnam Style. Gangnam Style is over. Move on.

 **the principal will dissolve the team the next time someone starts a “school riot”, _BECAUSE HE’LL KNOW IT WAS ONE OF US AGAIN_** __ **  
**[we were having lunch and suddenly we were in the middle of a viral video, Akaashi I swear, to this day I still don’t understand what happened]  
_Bokuto. Bokuto happened. He is either a genius or a madman and I am afraid to figure out which_ **  
****_hahahahaha_**  


## #28: We do not steal wigs.

[who was it? I have to know. I can’t go on without knowing]  
_Komi, I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you._  
[Sarukui, I’m so proud]

## #29: We do not bury teammates up to their neck in sand

 **other teams, however, are outside my jurisdiction**  
_**aww, Akaashi, you softie**_  
_**\** I ALMOST DIED **/**_  
\ Tanaka, you missed Kiyoko wearing a trikini, you didn’t almost die /  
__**\** SAME THING **/**

## #30: You know how I said I didn’t do the thing you specifically told us not to do? That was an incredible lie.

**At this point, I’m too numb to generalized chaos to worry overmuch. Is the academy still standing? good. anything else, I’ll deal with it tomorrow**  
_Akaashi, you goddamn hero_

\- - - - - - - 

 **Since this team seems to be an apocalypse waiting to happen, more rules will be added as long as there’s space in the board.  
** **When we run out of board, we’ll get another one to hang next to it on the wall  
** **When we run out of walls, I will quit everything and leave you to your fate because clearly you’re too far gone and there’s no hope left**  
\ Akaashi-san, you’re refreshingly optimistic about this, aren’t you **/**  
**Sawamura-san, I detect the sarcasm in your words, and I am completely sincere when I tell you that I am possibly the most optimistic person in this team  
**

\- - - - - - - 

Written on sticky notes, stuck on top of the respective rules on the board:  
(because by the time people went to write these, there was no space left near the rules they were commenting on)

* _ **It was just laying there by the side of the road. I thought it would be funny.**_  
**It’s a crime, Bokuto-san.**  
_**Ooops?**_

** -SERIOUSLY WE WERE JUST PRETENDING TO STEAL EACH OTHER’S UNDERWEAR WE WEREN’T SERIOUSLY DOING IT-  
[it’s okay, we’re not prejudiced against weird kinks or homos or anything]  
_IT’S NOT LIKE THAT_  
**= uwaaah, such open-minded teammates, Fukurodani sure is a nice team~ =**  
-KUROO-SAN NO-  
_\ LOL YOU’LL NEVER ESCAPE THIS /_  
_OH MY GOD_

***not even the Mulan song?  
**…maybe on training camps. after i graduate.**  
you’re a ruthless man, Akaashi.

**** **or Nekoma. Or Karasuno. Or anyone at all, really.**  
**I** _w_ a _i_ **z** u **m** i- _s_ **a** n **w** o _ul_ **d** **w** _i_ **n** a _n_ **y** w **a** _y_ ….  
[Onaga, just ask for his autograph already and shut up, goddamn.]

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow I don't think this one came out as good as my Nekoma one, but. Ah well. It's a lot longer to make up for it? 
> 
> Also in this one it was a little more difficult to make it clear which handwriting belonged to whom, and in some cases it is only near the end that it's obvious... but I hope this is an enjoyable read nonetheless.
> 
> Anyway, like the Nekoma Volleyball Club Rules thing, this is here mostly for archiving purposes. So. *shrugs*
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> P.S. I was told I should leave here the original tags of the tumblr post too. So here they are:
> 
> Tags: #Bokuto Koutarou #is an extraordinary existence and somehow can get the entire academy to break into dance with little to no direct interference #Akaashi Keiji #is a hero and we should all be grateful he still believes the bunch of barbarians that is his team are still manageable #Konoha Akinori #has a questionable sense of humour and would have been - his own words - a great foster parent for the dickball #also he and Sarukui really don't routinely buy matching underwear IT WAS JUST A ONE TIME THING FOR A JOKE OKAY #Sarukui Yamato #also has a questionable sense of humour and a secret copy of the team video that never was posted online in the end #he'd like to state for the record that people telling him to stop smiling is seriously getting old please don't do it anymore #Komi Haruki #some people just want to watch the world burn #Washio Tatsuki #is working on being less scary #he started by saying 'lol' a lot #we're not sure it's working #Onaga Wataru #he's learning a lot of new things in his first year in high school #one of them is to always know where the fire extinguishers are in every single area he's frequently in #surprisingly he's having a lot of fun #and he expects he'll be the last to die if one day Akaashi-senpai finally loses his stoic cool


End file.
